Personal Topic #4

In the Wilderness

Sometimes God seems to force us to recognize Him by placing us in situations beyond our control. In the unpredictable vastness of the wilderness, our lack of control becomes overwhelmingly real at times. The power of a storm, the risk of becoming lost, the potential danger of untamed animals...no matter how much we prepare, we never have full power over nature. When one of these situations arises, we may realize our lack of control, our reliance on forces beyond us. Just the knowledge that such occurrences are possible is sometimes enough to help us realize our need for someone more powerful than ourselves. When we relent our need for control, we open ourselves to experiencing the wilderness in a new way.
Although I have never truly been in the wilderness, absent of human influence, I recall a moment in my childhood when I experienced an utter lack of control, overwhelmed by nature. My sister and I used to play in the cornfields surrounding our house and our friends houses. The stalks of corn provided a type of fort. I always felt a rush running through the rows and then making my way back from memory. I didn't realize how easily this corn could outsmart me. One day, I became too confident in my memory and strayed deeper and deeper into the corn as the hours rolled by. Eventually, as the sun began to set, I realized I needed to find my way home. After hours of meandering through the rows, however, I no longer knew which direction my home was and which direction continued to the miles of corn. I began to panic under the realization that I may have strayed too far to find my way back before dark. And then everything became infinitely more terrifying. As I stumbled through the corn with the urgency of an oncoming panic attack, I glimpsed movement ahead of me. I stopped cold and waited to find the movement again. It took a moment to recognize the dark form hidden by dusk; two rows in front of me, I spotted the bear. I had seen it around our house before, but never nearly this close. I remained froze, unable to think of a reasonable course of action. I could hear it breathing. I remember little else, everything seemed to freeze. Eventually, it lazily walked away, and after an unknown period, my mother rang our bell, reorienting me and bringing me home. In these moments of panic, realizing I was lost and discovering the potentially dangerous bear, I had the purest understanding of my utter lack of control that I had ever experienced.